9.3 Beware of vague connecting words and phrases
Such words and phrases give the whole piece of writing a vague tone, sometimes even a legalistic tone. So avoid such connectives as with respect to, in conjunction with, with regard to, as to, in terms of, and pursuant to. As usual, the shorter words do the binding better.
Examples
1. We will send other descriptive information pertaining to your current software and services as well as any announced future offerings.
Rewrite: We will send other information describing your current software and services as well as any announced future offerings.
2. Another example of new development adjacent to the landfill includes a Giant Hardware.
Rewrite: Another example of new development next to the landfill includes a Giant Hardware.
3. We are waiting for Tracer to respond as to why the market share is not correct.
Rewrite: We are waiting for Tracer's response about the incorrect market share.
4. Furthermore, they appeared to be well managed and maintained occupancy rates in excess of 95%.
Rewrite: Furthermore, they appeared to be well managed and maintained occupancy rates above 95%.
5. Statewide, Giant Vermont is generally in fourth or fifth place among the major banks with respect to product share.
Rewrite: Among the major banks statewide, Giant Vermont is generally fourth or fifth in product share.
6. In early 1998, a reporter from the newspaper published many articles in regard to apparent irregularities at the hospital.
Rewrite: In early 1998, a reporter from the newspaper published many articles about apparent irregularities at the hospital.
==>Guidelines ==>Inflation